


Feather

by orphan_account



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Anxiety, Avian Au, Based on a Tumblr Post, Bird/Human Hybrids, Character Study, Fear of Flying, M/M, One Shot, Wingfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-30
Updated: 2017-01-30
Packaged: 2018-09-20 23:46:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,807
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9521378
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: It was funny how his anxiety attacks had become a kind of pestilence recently. It made them a little easier to manage- that was, until he remembered that they might as wellbelittle more than an annoying gnat compared to everything else. He found himself yearning for the days that these episodes were the hardest part of his life.Short one shot for@keyade's Avian AU on Tumblr- you can find ithere!





	

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Avian AU](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/260726) by Keyade. 



"Open your eyes, love, and tell me what you see."

This had become something of a game for them, child's play in the midst of the chaos raging around them, but it eases some of the pressure on Yuuri's chest that had become more of a nuisance than a serious problem in the past few days. He had grown almost familiar with it, the sensation of his lungs being slowly crushed by an unseen hand as the weight of the world settled on his shoulders.

It was funny how his anxiety attacks had become a kind of pestilence recently. It made them a little easier to manage- that was, until he remembered that they might as well _be_  little more than an annoying gnat compared to everything else. He found himself yearning for the days that these episodes were the hardest part of his life.

A gentle hand, soft as down, brushed just under his right eye, skimming across the cheekbone in a comforting nature. The physical contact brought him back down to earth and out of his head, and he leaned into it as a thumb brushed under his eye and wiped away the steady, hot tears that had formed there. He didn't know when they had started, but they came relentlessly now, dripping steadily off of his chin before the thumb caressing his cheek could catch them.

For now, he would play along with their little game, let himself be illusioned into thinking that the only thing left in this broken world was them, that there was nothing else to worry about. He cracked open his tear-blurred eyes and lifted a hand to rub the wetness away, to bring his vision back into hazy focus. The first thing that he saw-

"You," Yuuri whispered, his voice splintering as he forced it out past the cotton in his throat. He hated the way he sounded, like he was falling apart, but the dim light in the other man's eyes seemed to strengthen just a bit so he pressed onwards, fingers dropping from his own face to fidget with the dull cotton of his shirt. "I see you- and...."

And then he dared a glance to his side, and the cotton wad in his throat expanded until he felt like he was choking, and his fingers shook at the hem of his shirt. He could barely breathe and yet the world tore itself from his mouth, wracked with horror and anguish, split the thick air between them-

" _Blood_." It was everywhere at once, pooled around their ankles, wrapped around their knees on the ground. It felt like he was swimming in it, suspended in an ocean of thick, red blood. The air was burned with the metallic smell of it that singed his lungs, and he felt the overwhelming wave of nausea roll over his stomach as he babbled in his terrorized state, "There's so much blood, where... who's blood is it? Is it mine? Is it yours? I can't- there's so _much_...."

The panic rose in his chest and took hold of his lungs again, tugged them towards the sides of his ribcage and increased the pressure there tenfold. Every gasp for air seemed to be strangled out of his chest and came in short, panicked bursts until his vision was spun with black spiderwebs and white bursts of insects.

Just as the blood around his legs seemed to reach out for him to swallow him up, the same soft hand curled around the side of his face and steeled him once more, forced his blurry gaze away from the miles of blood and instead focused him back on the face in front of him, which was distorted and fuzzy.

"Look at me," the man plead with him, his voice as smooth as his hands and twice as comforting. Yuuri could listen to him talk all day- he spoke like he touched, fleeting and soft but just strong enough to bring him back to earth. The hand that had framed the left side of his face didn't tremble even though there was obviously fear in his wide, blue eyes. "Please, _l'svaya_ , don't take your eyes off of me."

 _L'svaya_  was a word Yuuri had heard him say hundreds of times, and yet each time he said it, it was different. The way he said the nickname in his own mother tongue now was soft, tender, and curled comforting fingers around his mind. Just his words could sedate him, made the corners of the world seem fuzzy and unimportant. Yuuri obeyed without a second thought, his eyes clinging to the man in front of him dazedly.

"Viktor," Yuuri said, his voice distorted in his ears as if he was talking underwater. He clung to the image of Viktor in front of him- his darkened blue eyes, the silver hairs that fell tiredly in his face that he didn't bother to tuck back, his soft skin- as if it was the only thing keeping him awake. "Viktor...."

"I'm here, I'm here," Viktor assured him in his soft voice. His words were a gentle coo, and it slowly picked away the cotton rammed in his throat. A pale hand lifted to brush the hair out of Yuuri's face and lingered there, both hands holding him still as Viktor's eyes rested on his face with desperation flickering in their depths, as if trying to commit him to memory.

"Don't leave," Yuuri begged crookedly, fully aware of how selfish he sounded as he brought a trembling hand and covered the one lingering at the side of his face. Viktor's fingers threaded between his almost immediately as he brought the other hand to clasp Yuuri's as well, and he brought their entwined hands back to his own face, his cold lips brushing against the back of Yuuri's hand softly. "Don't leave me, okay?"

Viktor's calming words stalled for a heartbeat too long as he let his eyes slide shut and rested his lips against Yuuri's hand, his warm breath tickling the skin as he sighed quietly. Nervousness writhed in the pit of his stomach as no response came, but the sensation of Viktor's lips moving across his skin made him realise that Viktor was speaking in hushed words against the back of his hand.

As foolish as it was, it almost looked like Viktor was praying: as if there was a deity left in this fragmented world worth praying to.

When Viktor pulled away and brought their clasped hands to his chest, right over his heard, Yuuri found himself studying the other man curiously. Viktor met his gaze and cracked the smallest of smiles, the corner of his lips quirking at Yuuri's inquisitive stare like he knew something Yuuri didn't.

"What were you saying?" Yuuri couldn't help himself, the question tumbling out almost accusingly, annoyed at being left out of Viktor's little world. However, Viktor didn't seem affronted- he just smiled a little and squeezed Yuuri's hand in his own.

"What do you mean, _l'svaya_?"

The endearment spilled from Viktor's lips naturally and it continued to soothe Yuuri's shaking, like cool water over a burn. It's definition had been lost in hundreds of years of history, just like most words in Viktor's mother tongue; its translation was too vague to be pinpointed to any other language's word, but that only made it a dozen times more impactful. It was a feeling no other language could describe. Yuuri had asked once what it meant and Viktor just smiled ruefully and said ' _it means nothing, and everything, all at the same time. It is all-consuming and all-depriving, but beautiful anyways.'_  On further inquisition Viktor admitted to his father calling his mother that on rare occassions, when the sun shined brighter than usual and her songs were softer, kinder.

"You said... something," Yuuri pressed, not willing to bend to Viktor's diversion tactics. He was incredibly good at dodging the subject, playing at the edge of a topic but never quite breaching it- he was as evasive as he was witty, and it was all the more tiring to talk to him, but Yuuri wouldn't have it any other way. 

"Ah," Viktor said slowly, before his intense stare finally dropped to their entwined hands almost in defeat, his too-long silver lashes ghosting over his cheekbones as he did. "That was... a phrase from my old home. _Ja'mus, a kuvasna._ "

The way he said it was soft, as if the words themselves would break if he said them too loudly, but they were clearly well worn; Viktor had obviously said them a large number of times, judging by the way his tongue rolled over the sharp syllables easily.

"It means, _to us, the future,_ " Viktor responded to the question glittering in Yuuri's eyes, his thumb running absently over his knuckles in circular motions. Yuuri stared at Viktor instead of their joined hands, at the curve of his jaw down to the slope of his neck, and the beginnings of feathers dotting his collarbone. "It was a traditional thing to say before...."

Viktor's words died but the meaning hung thick in the air between them. Before they shipped themselves off to war, before they were slaughtered in battle against an agency who fought for no reason other than their extinction. Humans, by nature, feared what they could not control- and the war against Viktor's species was glaring proof of that. Yuuri felt his jaw clench against the anger rising in his stomach, at the people who ran that facility- he had been working there with them, he had witnessed the treatment of young avians firsthand.

"Shh," Viktor cooed, dropping Yuuri's hand in favor of curling his own around the back of Yuuri's neck and drawing him close to his chest. His smell was like the forest around them, like rain and mud and grass, but there was still a hint of antiseptic and medicine that clung to his skin like a permanent ink stain. "That's unimportant now. You're here with me, and we're safe, and soon so will everyone else. We'll rebuild this world together, remember?"

Yuuri nodded, lifting his head to rest it in the crook of Viktor's neck and shoulder. The feathers that were sprinkled across his shoulders tickled his nose, but in that moment he didn't have the energy to care- it was so rare to see Viktor with his wings, as if he was afraid to expose them, but slowly Viktor was keeping them out more and more around him. Viktor's fingers played with the hair at the nape of his neck mindlessly, the sound of feathers shifting behind him as he stretched.

Yuuri had never really understood the desire to freeze time and stay in a particular moment for a long time before; the world moved on anyways, so it was a foolish notion, and to be trapped in a single suspension of time seemed like it would get exhausting after a while. But in that exact moment, with Viktor holding him close and shielding them from the outside winds at the top of a bridge hundreds of feet over solid ground, Yuuri found he would not rather be anywhere else at all.

But, of course, time was ruthless, and after what felt like minutes but just as easily could have been hours, the sound of wings beating at the open air startled Yuuri into awareness. When he opened his eyes Viktor had his gaze turned upwards, and Yuuri followed it to see a familiar dark-haired man suspended in the air with his pointed wings yawned out behind him and occasionally flapping to keep him in the air. 

"Otabek," Viktor greeted, his voice soft as usual but more tight-strung, his wings rustling as he readjusted his weight nervously. " _L'voy Yurio?_ "

" _Musya jarse_." Otabek responded back in the tongue they were both familiar with, but Yuuri had a good idea of what they were talking about- his voice was just as taut, worn down with exhaustion. Undoubtedly things were going poorly, and as Viktor and Otabek continued their curt conversation in the unfamiliar language it became more and more obvious by the tightening of Viktor's calm eyes.

Both Otabek and Yurio had headed off to practice flight, leaving Viktor and Yuuri at their established roost on top of the bridge, with intentions of teaching Yurio to fly. The blond avian could barely lift himself off of the ground, which had been one of the reasons Otabek and him had been in the facility- though Otabek never blamed him, he never even mentioned it in front of Yuuri and Viktor. He was far too gentle, too kind, to blame Yurio, especially for something the boy could not control.

Still, the tiredness reflected in his narrowed hazel eyes was enough of an indication. _Not today_. Judging by the thin red stripes running down his biceps and chest, they had encountered more than a couple of problems along the way. Viktor noticed them as well and his chest rose in a soft exhale as he nodded, his hand dropping around Yuuri's middle and tugging him closer, fingers kneading his flesh gently.

He knew what that meant. They were going to have to fly. In spite of himself, a small whine rose in his throat at the thought, and even though he tried to clamp the sound off before Viktor could hear it, Viktor leaned down and pressed a light kiss to his temple. 

"I know, _l'svaya_ , I'm sorry." Viktor's voice was soft as he guided Yuuri's arms around his neck and stood, lifting him easily and holding him under his knees. Yuuri didn't dare look down, already afraid of seeing the blood that still spattered the ground hundreds of feet underneath of them, evidence of the massacre that had just occurred. "Just look at me, okay?"

Yuuri rested his head on Viktor's chest and nodded, tilting his chin so he could look up at Viktor. Viktor met his gaze with a small quirk of his lips before bending down and kissing him with the lightest, chastest of touches. His warm breath seemed to fill Yuuri with thr strength he needed to face the endless stretch of sky and he pulled away, nodding slightly at Viktor.

"You're so brave," Viktor said under his breath, the distant look in his eyes indicating that the words were mostly spoken to himself as he turned to face Otabek and nodded once. Viktor's grip on him tightened and he gave Yuuri one last glance, eyes sparkling- while Yuuri hated the feeling of flying, Viktor was genetically inclined to it. It was hard not to see the broad smile on his face every time they took flight, the brightness in his blue eyes. 

"I love you," Yuuri said, the words more or less falling out of his mouth on their own accord. Warmth spread across his neck and cheeks as he realized his abrupt confession and suddenly he was looking anywhere but at Viktor- which was a mistake, because then he was looking at the blood again, the ground hundreds of feet away, and he couldn't breathe-

Viktor's body shaking underneath of him snapped him out of the rising frenzy of terror and he dared to lift his eyes to see Viktor grinning down at him with the same look he had when he flew, yet with solid ground underneath of them. Laughs seemed to fall from his mouth against his own will, and in a swift moment he leaned down and pressed his lips to Yuuri's once again, holding them there longer as Yuuri tangled his fingers in Viktor's rain-soaked hair.

"I love you, too, Yuuri," Viktor said into his mouth, his lips still curved into an ecstatic smile as he leaned back and rubbed his nose gently against Yuuri's. Up close, his eyes were crystal clear, and were overwhelmed with a happiness that not even Yuuri tried to comprehend. "I love you more than anything else in the world."

And then the world dipped underneath of them, a burst of white exploding behind Viktor's head- his wings, stretched out and blocking the sky out of view. There was nothing else except for _Viktor_ , his eyes and his smile and his strong hold, and Yuuri didn't even think about the air underneath of him because he knew Viktor would never drop him. Viktor grinned down at him, eyes lit up like a child's on Christmas, his wings arching in long strokes behind him to keep them in the air with loud _whoosh_ es of air.

" _Ja'mus, a kuvasna,_ " Viktor said, and somehow when he said it, it didn't sound like a farewell- it was a promise.

" _Ja'mus, a kuvasna_ ," Yuuri echoed back, stumbling over the words slightly due to their unfamiliarity. 

Viktor smiled, and the rest of the world no longer mattered.

**Author's Note:**

> this is more of a short emotional hurt/comfort drabble for the avian au because im still fiddling with how i wanna write for this awesome au ;^) its mostly angsty input on how yuuri handles the harder parts of the war and it explores his & viktor's relationship!! 
> 
> i'm definitely gonna write more for this au later so!! this is kind of me trying to stab my writers block to death which is why its short and messy- also making up languages on the spot is great, dont bother analyzing it because its totally gratuitous foreign language-ing bc i have this hc that the avians speak their own language and wanted to fiddle w it haha


End file.
